Tonight on TORCHCRACK. Part Drei

[51stcenturyfox]

That's Part THREE.

Much awesomeness. And some mondo freakiness.




Criminal Gwen and team.:  "I know all the tricks."  Damn, it  feels good to be a GWENSTA.  (Someone needs to make this video. I can pay you in some sort of baked goods.)

They could have raised some money by babysitting or whatever instead of lifting laptops and jacking convertibles. TEN QUID A KID.

Jack in a t-shirt and sweatpants. It's never been so easy to COSPLAY JACK. Just saying.

La la la. Rhys is happily making beans while Jack and Ianto are urging him to LEAVE so they can have a SHAG. LOLZ.

Jack's daughter, Jack Jr. Alice reminds me of Nigella Lawson.  Nigella Lawson with a gun and a big, pointy scimitar in her trousers. (Alright, it was a knife. But I love that word. Scimitar.)

Kids are pointing to LONDON.  Damn place is an alien magnet.  

Clem has that scent-induced babble tic again.  Why didn't he whiff Jack in the warehouse before he showed up?  CHILL, CLEM. TEA AND A HOT DOG.

...and Ianto apparently smells gay to sniffly Clem.  Which. What? 

The alien.  BARFS ICHOR.  Projectile-vomiting alien. I'm willing to bet it has lobster-claws and warts and drools.

Frobisher:  Yo, 456 what do you want?  Cats? Babies to snack on?  Oh, what? 10% of the kids? Um. Okay?  Like who decides which 10%?  Be good, children. The 456 takes the naughty ones.

What do they do with the kids?  I'm really curious.

The 456 sounded a bit like Dennis Haysbert (the Allstate pitchman) to me, slowed down:

Gwen apparently hates emoticon smileys!  Askworld FUCKING JOSSED.  First Ianto gets headaches from ice cream and now this. We're verfklempt.

:o(

Redeemed by the Italian Jack-wife, though.  Ha.
 

Comments

[kel-reiley.livejournal.com]

(Someone needs to make this video. I can pay you in some sort of baked goods.)

i would need someone to send me the song as, sadly and unforgiveably, i do not have it in my collection

What do they do with the kids? I'm really curious.
they steal them, chain them to piles of corpses, and turn them into psychopaths that want to kill their brother parents who let go of their hands

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Ooh! Yes a video with Torchwood being REALLY gangsta! And also shooting things while flying through the air and being awesome, all Guy Ritchie style.

: o !!!


OH NOES!

CREATURES. The most horrible creatures in the universe!

That means more Grays = wooden actors in the future/past. Nooo!

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Dude, please tell me that you'll use the outtakes where GDL is rapping on the set. IT WORKS. IT DOES.

GOD, HOW CRAZY WOULD IT BE OF THEY WERE THE SAME ALIENS AS THE ONE WOT TOOK GREY. NO WAI.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

The alien. BARFS ICHOR. Projectile-vomiting alien. I'm willing to bet it has lobster-claws and warts and drools.

I AM GLAD TO SEE I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO WAS ALL o_O?

Redeemed by the Italian Jack-wife, though. Ha.

Made of awesome!

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

It was... disgusting.

SPLASH! SPURT! GLOB! Blaaaarrgh!

[phaetonschariot.livejournal.com]

lol I was actually thinking of the thingies in Gridlock. Especially with the fog, coz those you first saw them through the exhaust fumes.

[phaetonschariot.livejournal.com]

...and Ianto apparently smells gay to sniffly Clem. Which. What?

^^ My only guess is that he still has sperm in him from last time they had sex. Clem can smell Jack's pheromones on him!

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

BUT IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS D: SOMEONE GET THE MAN A SHOWER STAT.

[debitha.livejournal.com]

He could smell that Gwen was a) telling the truth, and b) 3 weeks pregnant. How much harder can it be to smell that some guy has had intimate contact with another man's body fluids recently?

I refuse to believe that the writers had Clem just smelling Teh Gay. REFUSE!

[mrsalemp.livejournal.com]

It's never been so easy to COSPLAY JACK. Just saying

LOL! And thats with the fact that the coat can apparently be purchased at any of your fine military surplus outlets :)

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

I am cosplaying Jack right now in my jammies! YES! :D

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

They could have raised some money by babysitting or whatever instead of lifting laptops and jacking convertibles. TEN QUID A KID.

Possible shortage of people willing to hand their kids over to Team Torchwood - I think something about them would (quite rightly) set parental alarm bells ringing. If Rhiannon, the lovely motherly Welsh lady, is their competition... Yeah, they need to nick stuff.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Definitely!

"Hey, we totally won't experiment on your kids now that the aliens aren't talking through them anymore."

But why couldn't the 456 just keep talking through them? Noooo, it's got to have a poison chamber and civil servants to speak to.

[smirnoffmule.livejournal.com]

Jack in a t-shirt and sweatpants. It's never been so easy to COSPLAY JACK. Just saying.

Oh, and I'm sorry, but I gotta beg to differ. There was that time yesterday when he was naked. I'm cosplaying that right now.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Allllriiiiight!

What happens in comments stays in comments! :D

[mad-jaks.livejournal.com]

I'd do that but I don't have the correct body bits so it would be cosplay FAIL!

[robling-t.livejournal.com]

The alien. BARFS ICHOR. Projectile-vomiting alien

I was reading that as explosive diarrhea for some reason, not that it exactly matters in terms of "DUDE. EW."...

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

You know, it didn't look unlike... that. Sort of. I almost went there.

Disgusting, wasn't it?

I HAD SPECULATED that the ep would feature butterscotch pudding, but not like THAT.

[snaxcident.livejournal.com]

The alien. BARFS ICHOR. Projectile-vomiting alien.

Whenever I really want to get my point across I barf.

I hold up a finger first though, as if to say:

"I'm about to make a good point here..."

THEN, the barfing.

All the diplomatic sessions I have conducted in this fashion have gone very well for my species.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

The 456 = Stan from South Park.

"Wendy. I think I... I think you're pretty! Blaaaraaargh!"

As for diplomacy, I believe President Bush has puked on a Japanese leader or dignitary. Have they bombed the western hemisphere? No!

Clearly, it works!

[mad-jaks.livejournal.com]

I quite liked the idea of Clement smelling Ianto was 'other' as Clement appears to have a synesthesia type condition. He smelt Gwen was pregnant, he can smell the aliens, and when he was a child he could smell Jack was different too.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Yep, which would suggest there's a chemical difference based on orientation. But.

Ianto was with Lisa too. Isn't he BI? Does Clem not have a Kinsey Scale of scents?

"Oh. It's him! You gave the children away! Oh, and by the way, Captain Harkniess, you smell omnisexual! Also, you had curry for lunch." :D

[louisema.livejournal.com]

Really? she hated the smileys? I read all of that as Rhys: "oh you loser you use smileys snorfle I've married a geek" Gwen: "shut up they're really cute". Maybe I misunderstood...

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

It was like -

Rhys: Gwen hates smileys
Someone: Oh, Gwen, LOL you used one
Gwen: INORITE? Shush!

So the jury is still out. :D :D :D

[merboo.livejournal.com]

We were half right! Rhys was offered a job by ep 3.

...he just refused it.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

Heee! And he makes awesome food! Rhys is pretty kickass here. I love "Hub 2". :D

[thrace-adams.livejournal.com]

Oh this was brilliant and totally made me ROTFLMAO!!!! Rhys cooking beans...Gwensta...Jack in t-shirt and sweats - just wrong LOL and wtf is up with Ianto smelling gay??? You can smell gay??? And the aliens...definitely scary.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

"The beans are almost ready!" :D

[neifile7.livejournal.com]

Well, Jack is re-coated. "Sir." That's clearly the most important event of the whole ep! (And it is so, so wonderful that he's all itchy and uncomfortable in his track pants, and of course Best BF in the Galaxy has to do something about it STAT.)

[shane-mayhem.livejournal.com]

I pretty much was grinning and LOLing uncontrollably at Team Torchwood's criminal shenanigans. AWESOME! Way to teach the kids useful skillz, conman Jack! :D

P.S. Is it just me or did Jack look fucking cuddly in a t-shirt and warm-ups? XD

[shane-mayhem.livejournal.com]

ALSO I would like to add, relevant to nothing, that the idea of Underground Torchwood is freaking AWESOME to me! I wanna see them dumpster-diving and burgling grocery stores and getting Food Stamps and shit! :D