Tonight on TORCHCRACK. Part Drei

[51stcenturyfox]

That's Part THREE.

Much awesomeness. And some mondo freakiness.




Criminal Gwen and team.:  "I know all the tricks."  Damn, it  feels good to be a GWENSTA.  (Someone needs to make this video. I can pay you in some sort of baked goods.)

They could have raised some money by babysitting or whatever instead of lifting laptops and jacking convertibles. TEN QUID A KID.

Jack in a t-shirt and sweatpants. It's never been so easy to COSPLAY JACK. Just saying.

La la la. Rhys is happily making beans while Jack and Ianto are urging him to LEAVE so they can have a SHAG. LOLZ.

Jack's daughter, Jack Jr. Alice reminds me of Nigella Lawson.  Nigella Lawson with a gun and a big, pointy scimitar in her trousers. (Alright, it was a knife. But I love that word. Scimitar.)

Kids are pointing to LONDON.  Damn place is an alien magnet.  

Clem has that scent-induced babble tic again.  Why didn't he whiff Jack in the warehouse before he showed up?  CHILL, CLEM. TEA AND A HOT DOG.

...and Ianto apparently smells gay to sniffly Clem.  Which. What? 

The alien.  BARFS ICHOR.  Projectile-vomiting alien. I'm willing to bet it has lobster-claws and warts and drools.

Frobisher:  Yo, 456 what do you want?  Cats? Babies to snack on?  Oh, what? 10% of the kids? Um. Okay?  Like who decides which 10%?  Be good, children. The 456 takes the naughty ones.

What do they do with the kids?  I'm really curious.

The 456 sounded a bit like Dennis Haysbert (the Allstate pitchman) to me, slowed down:

Gwen apparently hates emoticon smileys!  Askworld FUCKING JOSSED.  First Ianto gets headaches from ice cream and now this. We're verfklempt.

:o(

Redeemed by the Italian Jack-wife, though.  Ha.
 

Comments

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

I think Frobisher is a goner this week, so fine.

I don't ship him with anyone.

[amand-r.livejournal.com]

Oh Frobisher. You are like Yvonne Hartmann.

[gypsylady.livejournal.com]

How long can sperm live in an armpit, though?

What?

[phaetonschariot.livejournal.com]

I'm proud to have started this conversation.

[gypsylady.livejournal.com]

Glad to honor your pride.

[robling-t.livejournal.com]

The alien. BARFS ICHOR. Projectile-vomiting alien

I was reading that as explosive diarrhea for some reason, not that it exactly matters in terms of "DUDE. EW."...

[snaxcident.livejournal.com]

The alien. BARFS ICHOR. Projectile-vomiting alien.

Whenever I really want to get my point across I barf.

I hold up a finger first though, as if to say:

"I'm about to make a good point here..."

THEN, the barfing.

All the diplomatic sessions I have conducted in this fashion have gone very well for my species.

[mad-jaks.livejournal.com]

I'd do that but I don't have the correct body bits so it would be cosplay FAIL!

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Someone suggested The Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snax, which I think is genius.

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Well, to be fair, when did they last brush their teeth?

Would've made more sense if the bloody beans hadn't interrupted Ianto's propositioning, trufax.

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Aww :(

[mad-jaks.livejournal.com]

I quite liked the idea of Clement smelling Ianto was 'other' as Clement appears to have a synesthesia type condition. He smelt Gwen was pregnant, he can smell the aliens, and when he was a child he could smell Jack was different too.

[debitha.livejournal.com]

He could smell that Gwen was a) telling the truth, and b) 3 weeks pregnant. How much harder can it be to smell that some guy has had intimate contact with another man's body fluids recently?

I refuse to believe that the writers had Clem just smelling Teh Gay. REFUSE!

[debitha.livejournal.com]

YES! "We want to talk to the world." WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE BEEN DOING, DUMBASS?

[louisema.livejournal.com]

Really? she hated the smileys? I read all of that as Rhys: "oh you loser you use smileys snorfle I've married a geek" Gwen: "shut up they're really cute". Maybe I misunderstood...

[phaetonschariot.livejournal.com]

yeah that's all I can imagine.

I AM SO TEMPTED TO DO AN @JAMESMORAN ON TWITTER TO ASK. "MR MORAN. DID CLEM SMELL JACK'S SPERM OR WHAT? PLS ADVISE. TY."

[phaetonschariot.livejournal.com]

Hell, maybe he got a bit of precome on his face and it didn't get entirely wiped off. WHO KNOWS.

[debitha.livejournal.com]

Please do! Enquiring minds want to know!

[phaetonschariot.livejournal.com]

I asked on his blog!

http://jamesmoran.blogspot.com/2009/07/torchwood-children-of-earth-day-four.html (it says day four but it's actually about the third episode)

haha I can't wait to see if/what he answers.

[merboo.livejournal.com]

We were half right! Rhys was offered a job by ep 3.

...he just refused it.

[debitha.livejournal.com]

Ahaha! Awesome!

[thrace-adams.livejournal.com]

Oh this was brilliant and totally made me ROTFLMAO!!!! Rhys cooking beans...Gwensta...Jack in t-shirt and sweats - just wrong LOL and wtf is up with Ianto smelling gay??? You can smell gay??? And the aliens...definitely scary.

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

LOL! I popped that on my Twitter last night - yes great choice!

There's a version with Amanda Plummer FREAKING OUT clipped from Pulp Fiction at the start of the song, too. :D

[annemjw.livejournal.com]

Nice!

[51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com]

You know, it didn't look unlike... that. Sort of. I almost went there.

Disgusting, wasn't it?

I HAD SPECULATED that the ep would feature butterscotch pudding, but not like THAT.