51stcenturyfox | Fic: "Asleep At The Switch" Jack/Ten/Rose

Title: Asleep At The Switch
Author: 51stCenturyFox
Pairing: Jack/Ten/Rose OT3
Rating: NC-17 for sexual content, F for fluff content. C is for ~~cookie~~ cracky.
Wordcount: 4,150
Summary: Jack and Rose are feeling a bit out of sorts.
Notes: Doctor Who. Written for the OT3 ficathon at

better_with_3 for

neadods with a prompt by

honorh .

AU in that this takes place after Jack has been made immortal, but obviously the Doctor and Rose go back for him, because... who wouldn't?
Big thanks go out to beta readers

fajrdrako and

bellebet

Jack woke up in the library of the TARDIS, which was... odd, he thought.

He felt well-rested, despite finding himself in one upholstered chair with his feet propped up on another. Fewer distractions than bed, he concluded to himself, with a small smile that would have been considered wicked had anyone else had been there to witness it. He deduced that he must have wandered off for a read in the middle of the night.

He stretched his arms over his head and yawned silently, then brought a hand under the facedown novel propped on his lap for a good old morning scratch.

The book, "I Will Fear No Evil", fell to the floor with a slam as his hand slid over... nothing. Well, something, but not what he was expecting to find. He gaped to see his hand pass over the flat front of a pair of jeans with, no ... wait. What? He gripped his crotch in dismay and his eyes widened when he looked down.

His hand. His hand was... wearing nail polish. And rings. It wasn't his hand. These weren't his jeans, either.

Jack examined first one petite hand, then the other, front and back. He put both of them to his face and felt delicate bones and smooth skin and - were those Rose's lips? Yes, he would know those lips anywhere.

He patted at his head and pulled a swath of cornsilk gold into his field of vision. He dropped the strands and gripped the sides of the chair for a moment in pure panic, then took a deep breath and slowly exhaled as he came to the only possible logical conclusion:

Obviously, I'm still asleep and dreaming that I'm Rose.

Jack broke into a shaky but relieved grin. "It's just a dream," he said aloud, and his voice was hers. It sounded different to him than usual, of course, resonating through the bones of his skull. He closed his eyes. It wasn’t often that Jack slept deeply and dreamt of pleasant things. He willed himself back to slumber.

Let’s just keep this one going, shall we? he told himself. Or...

Jack opened his eyes again and watched as Rose's hand slowly unfastened the buttons on her pink top and slipped under the fabric of the bra to tease the skin beneath. The other hand fumbled for the zip on the jeans. He had to switch; the fly opened on the wrong side and-

“Well. Pleased to meet you, Rose Tyler,” he said aloud, as he sank blissfully back into the chair.

Rose stirred slowly in bed, legs moving under the sheets. Her hand grasped to reach for a spare pillow and squeezed it to her chest as she rolled onto her belly and felt something odd.

Oh bugger, I've fallen asleep on the stupid telly remote again, she thought as she reached to dislodge it from beneath her.

It wasn't the stupid telly remote.

Her fingers nudged an unexpected appendage. Well now, whose is that? She pondered the two possible culprits to herself sleepily before groping to make a positive identification.

Oh,” she blurted in a husky mumble, a few octaves lower than normal. “It’s mine.”

Her head shot up. What?

Rose quickly flipped onto her back and opened one eye to peer under the duvet, then gasped and vaulted from the bed, nearly tripping over a sweep of tangled linens in the process.

She rushed to the full-length mirror in the corner to see the Captain's body reflected before her, in all its morning glory. She stepped back a bit to reveal Jack’s face, cropped dark hair and two bright blue eyes conveying a look of utter shock. Jack's face?

What next issued from the bedroom was the girliest scream Jack Harkness had ever uttered.

Now, that's a bit bent, psyche, Jack thought as the library door opened and he saw himself stride in, completely starkers. Well, starkers barring the wrist strap. He'd been imagining the Doctor's hands on Rose's breasts, then his face dipping down to slowly nuzzle...

I do look good, though. And really, why not me? Technically, I've done stranger things while wide awake.

He rose to his feet and grabbed naked Jack by the shoulders. He leaned on tiptoe to plant his lips firmly against Jack's (My? Whatever!) masculine ones, only to be pushed back before contact could be made.

The object of his affection opened his mouth to protest instead: "Jack?" he heard Rose's voice say as he spoke.

"Think again!"

Oh God, he thought, frantically. I'm Rose in this dream, and am about to lock lips with a shapeshifter posing as me. What are those things called? Nostrovites? Yeah. That's really... kinky. Hope this one won’t make with the teeth. He chuckled to himself, but it came out a bit higher than normal.

"Stop laughing!" Jack’s hands tightened their grip on his shoulders. "It's Rose. I'm Rose in Jack's body, and you're... who are you?" The blue eyes were completely baffled.

Jack hurriedly pulled the edges of the pink shirt he was wearing closed and felt an unfamiliar sweep of heat work its way up his cheeks. Am I... blushing?

"Oh," he said, "Not a dream."

"Jack? That is you, right?" naked Jack asked him. But clearly naked Jack wasn't Jack. Because he was Jack.

"Yes,” he nodded slowly and sat down again. “I’m definitely Jack. On the inside. Rose, apparently, on the outside."

"And were you... touching my body just now?" Rose-in-Jack's body asked, with a reproving glare.

"You love it when I touch your body," Jack leered, his dark eyes peeping out from beneath mascara-tipped lashes.

"Yes, but that's when I'm in it!"

Jack shook his head, then brushed golden hair out of his eyes. "I still think this is a dream."

Rose patted his shoulder awkwardly through the pink fabric.

"No it isn’t, but passing strange is nothing new when it comes to the time vortex, yeah?” she pointed out with a grin. “Tell you what, Jack, I'll get the Doctor," she said. "You just sit tight - or better yet - go and have a lie in and try not to break anything.”

She paused on her way out.

"And stop touching... myself."

Jack poked at his repertoire of expressions to find a suitable one (chastened) and watched as his body left the room.

"Spoilsport," he muttered under his breath.

"Huge problem with the TARDIS, not now!" the Doctor called out. He'd been working on the craft all night and was clearly wired, his hair poking straight up in thatchy peaks. Rose normally found that immensely endearing, but this day was the epitome of not normal.

"Huge problem here, Doctor," she said.

The Doctor glanced up from the console to see Jack standing naked in the doorway with a petulant look on his face and one hand planted on his hip, the other gesturing at his very alert cock.

"Modest, as ever. But not now, Jack!" the Doctor snapped.

"It's Rose!" Rose said, in her new, deeper voice.

"What's wrong with Rose? Is she all right?" the Doctor asked, with a glare over the top of his glasses.

"Yes. No. You don't understand... it's... I'm..."

"One hour. Well! Perhaps... half an hour. Then I'll be right out."

"But-" Rose began again, but the Doctor would brook no argument:

"Jack, please! You know how temperamental the TARDIS has been lately. This is a crucial, critical moment and I've just uploaded a logarithm that’s...well, can't explain it in words, really. Well, not human words."

The Doctor hustled to the doorway and moved the body blocking it back gently with an apologetic smile and a final appreciative glance downward before he closed the door, and Rose heard a decisive click as the lock was engaged from the other side.

She sighed, loudly. Then she stomped back to the bedroom to find some knickers. Scratch that. Pants.

Rose walked in to discover herself (Jack, she thought, that's Jack.) peering at his female reflection. She stood beside him.

"The Doctor," she stated, focusing on his hazel eyes in the looking glass, "is currently tied up."

"Tied up? Wow, ya sure you're not me?" Jack snickered.

Rose elbowed the blonde hard and he doubled over.

"Ow!" Jack protested with a wince, gripping his side. "You apparently don't know my own strength."

Rose looked stricken as she helped him straighten up. "Oh, bloody hell. I'm so sorry, Jack," she said, "and here I was, telling you not to break anything."

"I'm okay, but I think you'll have a bruise on your rib."

Rose pulled up the pink shirt and examined the skin beneath. She gave it a tentative rub and Jack groaned.

"Oi, that bra looks brilliant on me," she said.

"Now you're beginning to see the humour in the situation. And you know what... so am I, as well as the other more interesting facets of this very weird morning,” Jack said with a grin. He shrugged the top from his shoulders and dropped it to the floor, then reached behind his own back to unfasten the bra. Only, he couldn't. He grumbled, frustrated. “Need that defabricator.”

Rose sat on the bed and fiddled with the leather strap on her left wrist.

"Jack, all joking aside, what if the Doctor can't... fix this?"

"Shhh," Jack said, putting a delicate finger to Rose's lips, "I’m not concerned. Much. Because. Because… when have you ever known him to fail?"

He captured her dimpled chin in his hand. I- or rather, Jack- could use a shave, he thought.

"Come on Rose, buck up. I hate to see a grown man cry. Especially if it's me. I get puffy."

Rose sniffled, and then looked up at Jack, standing there in her lacy white bra and jeans. In her body.

"Okay then," she said, "but I think I need to wee. And I'm not positive how that works."

"Oh, it’s simple. How's your aim?"

Rose tilted her handsome head and gave Jack a look.

"I'll forgive you if you sit down the first time," Jack added soberly.

"Help a bloke out, will you?" she asked with a wink as she stood.

“Are you coming on to me, Rose Tyler?”

She rolled her blue eyes and flounced away, while Jack admired a side of himself he never got to see barring very infrequent occasions in the mirror, over his shoulder. All right, frequent occasions. He looked at his own arse in the mirror all the time, in fact.

So I’m a little bit vain. Not a crime.

Jack glanced at his left arm. No vortex manipulator, just a shiny silver bangle. Rose's form felt strangely light and compact, even more flexible than his own. He chanced an experimental high kick.

“Ooh, nice,” he said.

“Erm. Well, I was a bit of a gymnast, once.”

“Really,” Jack said, his eyebrows peaking as he glanced down at his breasts, “Was that recent?”

“Usmlsm,” Rose mumbled.

“What?”

“Under 7’s!” she exclaimed. “But I’m still very limber!”

“So I’ve noticed. Hey, if the Doctor can’t straighten this out I could be a showgirl, Rose. Vegas Galaxy. Do me a favor and don't try this high-kick thing in my body, though," he cautioned.

Rose, lounging on the bed and leaning back on her elbows, shook her head. She looked down and rubbed a large palm flat against one pectoral.

“Tell me again the last time you saw me high-kicking round the TARDIS, Jack, will you? But you know, anything I do in this body of yours isn't exactly going to kill me… er, you, is it?”

“Pulled muscles do still hurt,” Jack complained, then scrambled onto the bed next to her and nuzzled her neck. Rose threw her head back and reveled in the sensation.

“Don’t worry, Jack,” she reassured him, “I don’t plan to test your body’s peculiar sort of stamina.”

"I do. Let's go shoe-shopping!" Jack said.

"What?"

“Joking. Let’s have sex.”

“What?”

"Come on. Don't you want to know what it feels like, what you feel like? I do, very much." Jack teased the shell of her ear gently with his tongue.

"Hmm." Rose rather did too, actually. And the evidence of her interest had begun to rise from her lap as irrefutable proof. Am I hot for myself? she thought.

She didn't want to examine what that meant too closely, partially because she wasn’t in the mood to think at that particular moment. She rather felt like doing a bit of... doing.

"All right, Jack. You win." She reached up to turn him round and unfasten the bra. "Let's have a look at me, then."

Jack spun, rather gracelessly, flipping his hair. "You do this so much better," he said. Rose laughed and pulled her former body onto the mattress. Their lips met.

"So this is what it feels like to be you and kiss my lips, yeah?" Rose breathed.

"Nice, isn't it?"

"Very," her voice came out in a low rumble, “But I keep wanting to open my eyes.”

“And they say I’m conceited.”

With a snicker, she gently pushed Jack's shoulders down on the bed and began to lick and nibble her way down to his breasts. She knew just what Rose’s body liked.

Rose stopped for a moment, with a grave look on her face: "Dilemma."

"What's that?"

"From behind feels the nicest in my particular body, so you'd like that - but I do kind of want to see your, or oh, my face. Is that an odd idea? Do I make stupid expressions when we, erm... ?"

"Do I make stupid expressions?" Jack asked.

Rose paused for a moment, then grinned."Yeah."

"Well, everyone does. Even aliens. And Time Lords. And besides, they’d probably be my expressions, anyhow, right? Just on your face?"

"Oh. True. Maybe." She nodded and splayed her large fingers over the petal-soft skin of Jack's hip.

Jack tilted his head back in ecstasy, his blonde hair sweeping over a pillow. "Oh. Oh, wow," he said.

"Mmmm," Rose moaned from between Jack's legs. Her tongue teased him, alternating between gentle licks and strokes and spelling out J - A - C - K on his tender flesh as her fingers deftly plunged inside, hitting just the right angle and up.

"Rose, I'm so... ahhh, yes... so sorry… about your thighs."

"What?"

"I'll shave more often, I promise," he said, panting.

"Whoops, forgot! Sorry about that," she leaned back on her heels, dismayed.

"No!" Jack gasped, reaching for her head, "...please don't move away, I'll get used to it."

"Yeah, you will," Rose said, and blue eyes dancing with evil glee, she brought her mouth back down and laughed.

"Ohh..." he moaned. "Rose. Laugh... again."

"I can do better than that," Rose said. Just before she began to hum.

Jack leaned down to slowly stroke Rose's cock. Well, it was technically his cock, but he couldn't feel what his now petite hand was doing to it. He decided not to think about the possibility that he never would again. He turned his head sideways and peered up.

"Wow. It's even more impressive from this angle," he noted with delight.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Jack, you're so full of yoursel... fuh!" Jack's pretty mouth had wrapped around her, warm and wet. His tongue snaked out to gently tickle the ridge beneath the tip as he stroked confidently down with one hand. Then he began to swallow, applying suction in the opposite direction. Slow, then faster, then slow again.

Jack knew what his body liked, too.

Rose gathered a tight fistful of Jack’s blonde locks. Don’t pull. Don’t pull. Don’t pull, she thought.

Then she tried very hard to focus on thoughts of very lengthy cricket test matches or unattractive tentacled aliens or something not very appealing at all so she wouldn’t-

"So that's what it... feels like..." she managed to gasp faintly.

He pulled his mouth away with an audible pop and grinned. "Fantastic, isn't it?"

"Yes," she hissed through her perfect teeth. Her other hand reached out to urge him closer.

Rose realised that she wanted very much to... come in Jack's mouth. So that hadn’t changed, then. "Oh!"

Jack paused at the sound and looked up, his rosebud lips glistening, and Rose wound her fingers gently through his long hair.

“Rose?” Jack paused.

“Mmm. Yeah?”

“While I'm down here, I’d like to introduce you to… your prostate.” Jack’s slick, pink-polished fingertip entered her and her breath hitched.

"Don't. Stop. For God's sake, don't… stop, Jack! Don't stop..."

The door opened and two heads turned to see the Doctor.

“Do you two ever stop?” he asked.

Jack cocked his head. "Any reason why we should?"

"Point," Rose gasped.

"The TARDIS is stabilised, but there are still adjustments to be made. And I see waiting for an hour was clearly too difficult a task. Typical. Impatient. Human. Sex fiends." The Doctor shook his head in mock disgust as a grin crept onto his face.

“Not that I have any complaints, mind.”

He toed off one sneaker, then bent and hopped a bit to pull off the other, then removed his glasses, folded them shut and stowed them carefully on the table next to the bed before shrugging out of his clothes and sliding onto the bed with his companions.

Rose came to her knees behind the Doctor and wrapped her well-muscled arms around his bared chest. Jack shook the blond strands out of his face and leaned forward to kiss the Time Lord, one small hand wrapping around the back of his thigh. Their lips brushed together gently and then parted for a deep and searching kiss. Jack leaned back for a moment to let his dark hazel eyes meet the Doctor’s brown ones with a look of pure passion.

"How's that?"

The Doctor flinched. He stopped, and then stared at the woman before him before turning his head to look his other partner in the eye but Rose stopped him with a cheeky nip at his ear. She always did that.

The Doctor paused, and then something clicked. "Oh, good…Oh! Right! Wrong, but.. right!" he shouted, making Jack jump.

"I reversed the polarity of the... and the charge... and it's shifted the atom composition throughout. Fourth dimension! Biological meta-welllll, not quite, not exactly, not even close, and thank the Universe for that but… hmm. Didn't affect me one little bit - it wouldn't - but I can see how it could... sorry, two companions of differing genders, even though part of that’s technically just social construct, and I just didn't think!"

He finished his muttered recitation, pushed back the hair at his brow and glanced at Jack and Rose a bit sheepishly. "I am so very sorry."

He stood and grabbed for his trousers. "But wait! I can fix this! Give me another hour."

“Can’t you just kiss it and make it better?” Jack asked, pouting. “It’s worked before.”

“Jack.”

“I’m serious!” Jack said. "Although… you know what, Doctor?" he added as his eyes met Rose’s and she winked. Deal.

Rose reached out a hand to pull the trousers from the Doctor's hand and she spoke:

"Can't you fix us...tomorrow?"

The Doctor gave Jack, er… Rose in Jack’s body… a quizzical look and then studied the ceiling for a moment thoughtfully.

“Oh. I. Oh I see. I. Oh yes.”

Jack shook his golden head. "Rose, I didn't know."

The Doctor slowly rocked into Jack's welcoming warmth as Rose held the blonde’s arms back above his head and the silver bracelet jangled against the headboard.

“To be fair, Jack,” Rose said, “this is me your brain is in. I don’t know what it feels like to be someone different to who I am.”

Rose nudged the Doctor softly and he turned to meet her eyes, then lengthened and deepened his strokes into her former body, which coaxed another shuddery moan from Jack .

“Wouldn’t want to be inside anybody else,” Jack said. “Well… if you’d like to get technical…” He licked his pink lips and gazed up saucily at the Doctor, who bit back a laugh.

“Shut up, Jack,” he said.

Rose leaned forward and tipped her masculine mouth to Jack’s. Even using his lips, she still kissed the way Rose did. And Jack liked that a lot.

“Doctor?” Rose asked.

“Mmm hmm.”

“Do you happen to remember where we stowed the vibrator?”

Jack’s dark eyes rolled back into his head. “Yes, please.”

Afterward, the trio lay in a sweaty tangle, languid but crackling with energy, Jack and Rose talked over one another, exchanging impressions of all they'd experienced in different bodies as the Doctor smiled indulgently, listening.

"You know," Rose said, beaming, "I never ever thought I'd see the wonders of the universe, save the world, have amazing threesome sex, et cetera..." she paused and shifted, tucking the toes of one size 12 foot over the end of the bed.

"But topping a Time Lord has to be the best thing ever! I am seriously considering ordering a strap-on."

The Doctor quirked an eyebrow as Jack cuddled into his shoulder, his hair trailing onto the pillow beneath them.

"And you thought I was an impossibility before," he said, grinning with Rose's smile.

"It's a shame you can't try this," Rose sighed. The Doctor had explained that Time Lord biology meant that a human body and his mind, his essential intellect, could never switch or combine - the implications would be disastrous.

"It'll never happen."

Jack smiled. “The funny thing is, I don’t feel that much different. Oh, some of the nerve endings, and the…”

“It's chiefly hormones,” said the Doctor. “Your hormones exist in different concentrations and of course-”

“The bits!” Rose shrieked. “It actually makes me a bit nervous, having something just hanging out there… I’m a bit concerned about door hinges and slamming cabinets and… zips.”

Jack and the Time Lord exchanged amused smiles.

“…and ooh, another interesting thing," Rose noted, "is seeing yourself from the outside. Watching another you move and drink tea and walk around, and well, come. It’s so bloody weird. It must be what twins feel like."

“Usually twins don’t watch one another come, Rose,” Jack pointed out, "although I do have a story about acrobats I’ll save for another day.”

"Twins. Fancy that. Well, I'll never know that feeling either," the Doctor mused with a smirk. "I'm quite singular, me."

"But to wake up in a different body... it's extraordinary," Jack said. "I can't even begin to explain it to you."

The Doctor sighed.

He loved humanity, he really did, despite their foibles, and there were no humans he loved more dearly than Jack Harkness and Rose Tyler. He tried not to think this thought very often, but humans, even his humans, could be a bit thick sometimes.

The Doctor’s arms snaked around his companions and he kissed each quickly in turn before he pointed out the obvious.

"Regeneration, remember?"

It wasn’t that the Doctor’s hearts hadn’t been in it, but he couldn’t help worrying a bit… during the – phenomenal, that was, but it always was with Rose and Jack – sex, and afterward, as he disentangled himself from his soundly sleeping companions and padded back to the TARDIS’ console room to make things right again.

The Doctor always thought about consequences.

So later on, he turned down their pleas: “…oh do it again, Doctor!” “Come on, it’s Christmas!”

Instead he gave them something else.

On another world, the Doctor watched from a few steps outside the TARDIS while his companions ran ahead, hand in hand and laughing, as soft blue snow - miniscule crystalline fragments in the planet’s atmosphere bent the light from its suns – drifted down around them. He folded his arms and smiled.

As it turned out, there hadn’t been any horrid after-effects for either human. Jack’s Bad Wolf episode hadn’t altered Rose’s body chemistry in the most fundamental way. She could and would eventually die, but the Doctor’s tissue analysis revealed she’d physically age a bit slower than was normal, which would cheer her to no end one day.

Rose had also been granted the permanent advantage of the Captain’s 51st century pheromones, which cheered the Doctor and Jack to no end immediately.

Both humans were now even better at… certain things than before, though they had each been pretty damned good in the first place. As the Doctor told them, knowledge is power.

And Jack had discovered that he could now blush, which was just… ironic.

Prompt supplied by

honorh : Established OT3 relationship. Rose and Jack accidentally swap bodies. Smutty fun ensues.